A Fantasy World

This is my sixth blog. I haven't written for a few weeks because of family commitments. But I am home now, safe and grateful for all the blessings in my life though my ego often wants to complain about something. I recently realized when I complain about anything, I am not in acceptance. I want something about my world to be different. And that's what I want to share in this blog. How letting go can give me, or you, peace and contentment. So, though my husband suggested I write about the amazing people I have met in AA, I am going to focus this sixth blog on my trip to the happiest place on earth: Disneyland.

I took my two granddaughters to Disneyland last week because a few months ago, my sixteen year old granddaughter, Scarlett, said she wanted to go to Disneyland and my fourteen year old granddaughter said she "guessed" she would go with her sister though that meant she had to leave her best friend, her dog. I decided that we would go for two days: one day for Disneyland Park and one for California Adventure. I also decided to go down the night before so we could wake up ready to walk, and walk, and walk instead of driving down in the morning so we, or I should say I, wouldn't be so worn out from the early morning drive.

When I told one of my friends I was taking my two granddaughters to Disneyland for three nights and two days, she said, "You must be rich." Richer than I would have been had I taken them to Greece which for about a year I thought I would do. I had told them that when they graduated from middle school, I would take them anywhere they wanted to go. Scarlett wanted to go to Greece. That trip never happened. They lost interest. So I was happy to take them to Disneyland. That is, until the trip was three days away.

Before getting off the subject of cost, I just reimbursed my son for his paying for my airplane fare and a 6 night stay at an all inclusive resort his family and I are going to in Cancun next month. I paid him (remember, this includes airfare) the same amount of money I spent for three nights and two days at Disneyland. And food was not included. The magic kingdom is costly.

As the trip loomed closer, I got anxious. Why, I thought, did I ever promise to take them? I would miss my AA family, I would miss my workout routine, my reading, my regular wonderful life. And I had gone there a year ago with my son, daughter in law, and eight year old granddaughter and here I was going again. What was wrong with me? And it came to me that the purpose of the trip was not to please me, it was to please Scarlett and Ava. That's one of the principles of AA: we get out of ourselves and focus on others. I wanted Scarlett and Ava to have a good time. I had to stop thinking of me.

That realization was huge. The next thing I did was let go of any expectations, any agendas of my own, and turn the planning over to the girls. There's a famous Buddhist teacher who says if you want a little peace, let go a little. If you want more peace, let go more and if you want complete peace, let go completely. That's what I did the entire trip. And it was absolutely wonderful.

For example, the girls wanted to take some time out to shop at Disney Town. I am not interested in shopping. I don't need a thing. I have a couple of items in my closet I haven't even worn yet. But if I go into a store, I am sure to find something I think I must have. So, I stay out of stores. One of the girls asked me if I didn't want to buy something. I told her that though I see things I think I want, when I get home, I would realize I didn't need them. I have plenty. But I enjoyed watching them find items they thought would make them a little happier. I know how soon that happiness dissipates. They each spent about two hundred dollars.

As for where to eat, I left that up to them. What rides to go on next, I left that up to them. What time should they return to the hotel, that was their decision. I left when I was tired. I didn't go on rides that made me sick. I got a diet coke and a box of popcorn, sat on a bench to people watch and I was in bliss. I stayed in the present moment which is really hard for me to do because I like to plan. This trip I did not. On our first day I made a suggestion about what to do next and Scarlett suggested we just "go with the flow" and not plan anything. That was a great suggestion for me and I thanked her. It reminded me of the time I was in Florence with my son before he was married. After breakfast, we would be walking down a street and I would ask him where he wanted to have lunch or what he wanted to eat for lunch. He said, "Mom, we just had breakfast. We don't need to plan lunch." Yes, I am a planner and that takes me out of the present.

The last thing I want to share is when I asked Ava what she thought of Disneyland, she said that she didn't like how unreal it was. She didn't like that everything was so immaculate and well manicured. I told her that's what I love about it. It's a fantasy world. I like living in a fantasy for a few hours

Letting go, acceptance of what is, staying in the here and now, and giving love to others made my trip marvelous. I am ready to go back